Well, here comes Tuesday again, and it finds me, again, facing a blank computer screen. That probably sounds a bit weary and edging on despair, but the truth is considerably more uplifting. I was reading a piece by the journalist Max Hastings yesterday, in which he described his feelings on rereading, at the age of 80, the letter that his father, the author Macdonald Hastings, wrote to the three-day-old Max at the end of 1945, and gave to him when he turned twenty-one. In the article, Hastings recalled his father giving him a piece of advice when Max was a teenager: “Embrace the challenge of a blank piece of paper”.
Hastings continues: “I could not then understand his meaning, but I do now. Every time I open a screen, I feel a thrill at filling it with words that somebody may want to read.” I’ll drink to that; or, rather, I would, if I were not slightly apprehensive that this war is driving me to the bottle a little more than can be justified medicinally. In a normal week, Bernice and I open a bottle of wine for Shabbat. If we are hosting for one meal, we open two bottles. Depending on which of our friends we are hosting, we may finish the two bottles over Shabbat. (You know who you are.) If we are dining à deux, we will enjoy a moderate glass each with each of our two main Shabbat meals, usually leaving enough for dinner on Sunday, and sometimes even a half-glass each on Monday, evening.
Apart from that, and a generous whisky for me and a small shisky (loquat liqueur) for Bernice for Kiddush on Shabbat morning, Bernice has a dry week, and I might have a small bottle of home-brewed beer with a plate of humous, techina and a pitta for lunch one day.
Last week, we certainly indulged at the Purim seuda (festive meal), if only, so we claim, to the extent required by Jewish law. A fellow guest, who, in our circles, qualifies as what Adam Montefiore (wine critic of the Jerusalem Post and scion of the famous family) describes as a feinshmecker, brought two excellent wines. He also brought two of the renowned cocktails mixed by his own fair hand, both rum-based, and simple politeness required that we taste both.
The week before, we had actually felt obliged, faced with an excellent sea bream fried to perfection by Bernice on the Monday evening, to open a midweek bottle of wine, which saw us nicely through until Shabbat, when we could open another.
When I suggested, last night, that we might consider doing the same again, Bernice issued a stern veto. So, I can state categorically that this war is not driving us to drink.
All of which, I realise with a shock, was a huge detour from the subject at hand, which was the thrill Max Hastings feels every time he faces a blank screen. I do identify with that, even if the thrill is occasionally accompanied by a certain sinking in the pit of my stomach as I realise I have no idea what to write about.
Which is almost the position I was in 535 words ago, and look how well I’ve done without actually having to decide on a subject for this week. Of course, we all know what I ‘ought’ to write about is the situation, or, rather, ‘The Situation’. If you are one of my more astute readers (and, of course, all of my readers are, by self-selection, more astute), you will recognise the above 600 words as nothing more than avoidance behaviour masquerading as bonhomie. The time has come for me to beard the lion in his den.
Now, there’s an interesting idiom. I thought you might like to know the origin. When David, the shepherd boy, appears before King Saul in Samuel 1, Chapter 17, and volunteers to fight Goliath, Saul rejects David, saying: “You are a lad and he is a man of war from his youth.” David then tells Saul: “When the lion…would carry off a sheep,…I would…strike him down and rescue it. And if he would rise against me, I would seize his beard and strike him and kill him.”
So, here, finally, is me, bearding the lion (having managed to waffle for 725 words). However, I am not going to talk geopolitics. Instead, let me just tell you about our war. From now on, this is much more for my readers outside Israel, than for those of my readers in Israel, who have probably had similar experiences over the last nine days to myself.
With an extraordinary sense of timing, halfway through that last paragraph, the heads-up alert from the Home Front sounded, preparing us for a potential full-blown siren in the next few minutes, after which we will have 90 seconds to reach our shelter. I will pause here, to put my shoes on.

That turned out to be a false alarm, as most of them, thankfully, are. In fact, checking on the handy widget that is available on one of the news sites, I see that Maale Adumim has slid (thankfully) from 181st to 303rd in the national ranking for time spent in the air-raid shelter since the war began, at 6 hours and 51 minutes, spread over 25 separate sessions in the shelter.
Yes: this being Israel, we have an app for that. You type in the name of your town and your record is displayed. You can try the app out here, provided you can type the name of a town or city in Israel in Hebrew.
This is, however, not the app that captures most accurately the spirit of the nation. That would be the one for which I have captured a screen (below) in English, which gives you a statistically calculated answer to the burning question: If I go for a shower now, what are the chances that I will be interrupted by an alert?

You can try this app out here. You simply set your location and the desired duration of your shower, and the app displays the probability that you will not be disturbed if you shower now, and also displays, in graph form, the calculated safety of any given time of day today.
The app also shows you the parameters used to determine the probability that you will get through your shower uninterrupted, and allows you to adjust the default settings that determine to what degree each parameter will influence the calculation.
The parameters include:
- Alert gap proximity (how long since the last alert).
- 24-hour activity today vs typical activity;
- Muslim prayer-time bias;
- Darkness and operational cover;
- Time-of-day vs history.
We take our flippancy very seriously in Israel, as you can see, and our seriousness very flippantly.
On a more personal note, the timing of the war was unfortunate for us. Before I explain why, let me emphasise that we, particularly in comparison with others, have nothing, literally nothing, to complain about. While others face the tragic loss of life from missile attack, the trauma of injury or a near miss, the disruption, financial loss and upheaval of property damage, the hardship of having a parent, spouse or child called up yet again for another tour of reserve duty in the North, the loss of earnings in a disrupted economy, the disruption of education for children who have only briefly known normality since before COVID, our not being able to go to Zichron last week was a mere annoyance.
Thankfully, we felt, and Esther agreed, that we should go up this week, and on Monday we drove up. The weather was glorious, the road was significantly less crowded than usual, and we reached Zichron in good time, with no hiccoughs. We had a great few hours with Esther, Maayan, Raphael and Adam. Raphael was full of three-year-old’s energy; Adam managed to throw up twice over Bernice and twice over me; and we wouldn’t have missed any of it for the world.
Our journey home was slightly more eventful; at one point we had an alert, but no siren. The instruction, in the event of a siren, is to park the car, distance yourself from it, lie down and cover your head with your arms. Since we grew up in an era when American children were drilled in sheltering against a nuclear attack by crouching under their school desks, this seems like a perfectly adequate defence against a half-tonne ballistic missile. We were also advised yesterday that, if you can’t escape your vehicle, you should wind down the windows and lie down on the floor. None of the reviews I read before we bought our car mentioned this as a design flaw of the Kia Picanto, but the fact is that an adult can lie down in a Kia Picanto only by parking right next to another Kia Picanto and removing the two touching doors, although, technically, that is lying down in two Kia Picantos.
More significantly, Micha’el and the family were due to arrive in Israel this Thursday, for a two-and-a-half week visit. Yesterday, Micha’el finally cancelled that trip, which we are all hoping will be rescheduled for later in the year.
At the same time, my brother and sister-in-law were due to come to Israel for a six-week visit, spanning Pesach. We planned to join them, and their sons and families (from Israel and England) for the first three days of Pesach. Now they have had to accept that they won’t be here for Pesach. This would have been only the second seder that Martin and I have shared in the last 53 years, and it is a real shame that it is not going to happen. Everyone else may, I suspect, be secretly relieved – two old men reminiscing about childhood Seder nights is probably as unforgettable an experience for others as it is for us, but in a subtly different way.
Not being able to be together with Micha’el and family, and, even more importantly, Micha’el and Tslil not seeing their siblings and their children, our grandchildren not getting to know their cousins, Tslil not seeing her parents and grandmother, and at the same time not getting to be with Martin and his family, are real disappointments. However, we are trying to keep it in perspective. We already have our next trip to Portugal booked for mid-June to mid-July, and maybe Martin and Adèle will come later.
Meanwhile, we just had another alert, and this one, for the first time here in Maale Adumim since Shabbat, was followed by a siren, and, once we were safely in the shelter, one of those explosions that sounds considerably closer than it probably is. You see us here in good spirits, waiting for the all-clear. Just before that, I remembered that I had not saved this post to the cloud before going to the shelter. As I remarked to Bernice: “If the house gets bombed, I’ll have to write the entire post again.” Thankfully it didn’t, so I didn’t. Round here, that qualifies as a good day.


